a hop , skip , and love ?

WE i guess , are only allowed to say 3 things in life to our parents;

yes , yes and yes .

and we are not suppose to say;

no, i hate you, and i love him .

so i gueess, if you really think about it, the point of like , everything

is that we know what we are talking about and want to say. which most of the time , i really don’t as i do not know right now , assuming i’m sounding as pompus as i am sounding so my self , i shall silence bella and make her quiet.

Alex. cute kid. i looovee himmm.

i’m confused though.  why don’t my parents care ? i’d assume

that no parent would care , or maybe thats the curse / problem with the greeks

only Alex’s parents are Greek , and they’re completely fine with me . so maybe

mine are just protective because “i’m their little girl”

sheesh..

love, bella.

blow your mind

you sat in silence, waiting on your couch;
watching the TV. waiting.

he sat in his room; on top of his bed. waiting.
each cover around each part, waiting.

she motioned for a friend, and waited.
then gave up. but kept waiting.

something would happen.
my mind shock. I feel into a deep blackness.
a silence so still it was too much;
a radio on too loud; a confused space in which
your mind has no where else to listen but the
vibrations of the rhythm; the music that sends a
p u ls E
so fast your heart doesn’t have time to keep up; a wall
so deep inside you, you have no room for other thoughts or
emotion, you are just
there.
in the moment.
rattled out of your memory,
erased. you have no thoughts.

you sat in front of your TV.
waiting.
for something to blow your mind.

a blank chair ,

a black chair;
a blank mind. straight thinker
distraught mind.
changed and followed;
it’s hands turned orange
the chair began to sway;
and broke.
the mind
created a moment of blank
caused by the black,
upheld by you.
a journey
a black mind; dark,hollow
unlighted
empty.
a country
a blank chair. unaware that it is just
drifting.
in this empty mind; the chair sits in the middle of the darkness.
being interrogated by your thoughts;
which turn empty, sullen and mute, regardless
it’s face remains blank;
as yours does after the rain.

mm.

you are the music in me

I know you

watch
i know you – don’t try and
make me think i don’t because

i do

and with every simple thing you say
i dont know what you mean because you
mylove
are not simple

so its not you in return
and
mmostttly

ibeg to give you everything you have to me
and only me please ?

You’re my love and I love you – but I wish I knew
who I was so I could
Love you more.

And not only that – but I don’t give you waht you
need so I could
Love you more.

And ontop of that – I act like a fool when I say things
I know I mean but don’t want you
to think
(because i know you would only stay by my side)
(but if i told you , you’d leave forsure)
(maybe that’s why i told you)
(but you didn’t leave)
that you loved me.
Because I know
I dont know
You do.

cause i’ll be your baby tonight

when I grow up i want to be SOMETHING YOUR NOT .

WOW ! Jolly good day for a talk and a walk
n’est pas ?
ouuuiii .
donc .

I have no idea what I want to do with my life .and my school expects that (yes , at this point in time.. INSAIN is it not?…) I know what I want to be
just so this IB thing will work out .
Well other than art and english ( poetry )
I have no other love .

I have to admit that science is completely bollox and I shall just like to kill it .. ugh just punch it in the face .
(mostly chem . Bio I like -we’re dissecting a … LAMBS HEART next year ! I’m really -sadly- excited for that -and I can’t really explain why)

Now . IB math is a load of shit . I don’t think I can explain this .
Because either we take the ‘normal’ math ( which is a calculus and a functions credit for grade 12 )
and I DIEEEEEE because its EVERY DAY , but I can get into -really- any program I want.. ( it doesn’t close any doors )
OR
We take the ‘math studies’ ( which is a data management credit for grade 12 ,
I don’t die , its every other day , BUUUUTTTT it closes so many doors because I can only get into like the Humanities .

And really thats what i’d like to do ( I shall be an artist and a poet and I will live in NY )
but my parents don’t like , they don’t want me to close any doors .
Which makes sense .

But I still don’t know what I want to BE .
and I mean I was chatting with some people and they deffinitly already KNOW . I mean ,
do you know what your going to be in like 10 years ?
or WHERE your going to be ?
isn’t that a STRANGE thought .. or is that just me ..

Loveeee -the confused one

subway .

watch

and every movement becomes another
like business folk slushing threw the damp subwaytrains

listen

and every word will come across as a cover
like a book binded to the back of a racing car entering the fast lane

sulk

and memorize every line ,and quit acting like my mother
you tell me how to jump from one car to another – I have no gain

dissapoint

remember that howevermanytimes i’ll tell you i love you further
my belt buckle gets caught in the doors of the subway – waiting for the rain

and your driving me insain .

aw man .

ASKJF:AKSJF:ALSKFJ:ALKSJFASKFJHASKFJAF .

I am just so mad .
Would someone care to explain to me the REASON for um… OH RIGHT . That lovely little thing I’d love to call

PARENTAL CONTROL

du du du duuuu .

- For fucks sakes .

They don’t like my boyfriend , they hate everything to do with him and WHY oh right because of their own personal bias of his father and (why should they CARE he’s nothing like what they say he is and i mean if they were SOMEWHAT CORRECT I’d listen but the fact is is that their NOT…) seriously ..

I just can’t deal .
and I don’t know how boyfriend over here does . Why would he deal with me
if he could just go deal with some other chick whose family likes him and lets their daughter actually go out of the house .

awfuck .

I’d give love if I remembered how ..
– Bella .

help.

I wish I could change the way some people think .
Just completely change it .
I don’t understaaaaaaaand . I want to HELP . I don’t understand how they SEE themselves ,
how they look in the mirror and just STARE and are so confused and just STARE at themselves and just WISH they didn’t look like that and I hope that NO MATTER WHAT I can do something to help them but I can’t .
and I can’t , because .. well Idontknow . Ah I just don’t KNOW .
She says she’s hurt
she’s HURT
so why can’t I help her ?
How do you make someone believe in friendship
how do you make someone believe in LOVE ?

you CANT . and thats the problem . is that i’ve run out of things to do .
and atm ,
I’m scared I wont have anything left to give ,

BANANA SMOOTHIES ?

David got a haircut

Alex’ll probably come over

Kaleighs a mess

and I personly like the new background . (who doesn’t like Banana Smoothies !?)

love love ,

bella .xx